Anxiety

Sorry for the long wait. Didn't think people would be so interested in me and reading my blogs. I guess I haven't been in the writing mood lately. I feel like I have had writers block in writing both blogs and poetry. When I was watching Kesha: My Crazy Beautiful Life, she kinda inspired me to start writing poetry. So I figured why not write my second blog post.

As I'm writing I hear thunder and rain outside my windows. Lightening occasionally comes through but my shades are closed so I don't see it as much.
I had a few people tell me that they wanted me to write about anxiety next.

Well ever since I was young, I remember having some form of anxiety. Panic attacks weren't a part of my life until I was in my teens so around 15 ish. They went away for quite some time but as I've gotten older in my opinion they have gotten worse. From around November 2012- present I have suffered almost daily and sometimes more than twice a day from anxiety and panic attacks. It got so bad that when I was in class on the second floor I would be shaking and crying and couldn't concentrate yet I couldn't leave because I felt that I was trapped and I would bring more attention to myself if I got up and left. After a while I stopped going to that class. Shortly after it just got hard to get up and go to classes at all. I became depressed and just slept all day and cried. At the end of Fall 2012 semester I had moved in with my boyfriend because I was having such bad panic attacks in my dorm room I couldn't sleep and I had to call my parents at 3am. One night they ended up having to pick me up and I went home for a week. I just felt lifeless and trapped. I hate when people ask me what are you anxious about? It is literally nothing at all. My chest could ache and I would instantly worry that I was having a heart attack or something of the sort. Or I would be driving the car and start to feel trapped. My anxieties are really weird and unusual. I tend to do this to myself and worry about nothing. So anyways back to not going to classes. I ended up worrying about missing so many classes so I took a leave of absence. Not too many people know about this mainly because it's none of their business and I'm afraid of others judging me. I have signed up for classes next semester and I'm nervous because they are extremely difficult but I am going to do my best and ask for help right away instead of waiting until midterms or later to ask for help. I do have recommendations due to my aspergers which basically lets the professors know and if I need extra help that they should help accommodate me in any way they can.
Anxiety unfortunately is still a part of my daily routine but due to seeing a therapist in Rutland I have come a long way.But she did say something that was very interesting, and while I can't remember exactly what she said it was something along the lines of I helped myself in therapy. So I guess even though I can't see it I ended up helping myself with the anxiety not her exactly. But without her I don't know where I would be. I have also been working on a workbook for social anxiety. it works for any kind of anxiety as well, but aspergers and social anxiety tend to go hand in hand.

If anyone has any questions, please feel free to comment or get hold of me on facebook. Stay safe :)

First Blog Post

Hey everyone,
Well this is my first blog post besides doing random things on Tumblr. Right now I'm sitting at Mcdonalds while my boyfriend is working. I get to experience people coming in and out, sitting down with their families, etc. I have no idea who or if anyone will read this but why not? I'm starting to watch more of what I eat because I've noticed that clothes that fit me last summer are barely fitting me. I need to change before it's too much of a struggle to change. This may not be a typical blog but I'm not a typical girl. I'm not going to give advice in every blog I post. I may sometimes but like my blog says it's going to be random rantings. So whatever is on my mind will be typed into these blogs.
If anyone is reading this, I am open to suggestions on what to write. I have looked online and I may do daily topics or weekly topics depending on how often I write.
This is also me coming out to the public in a way. I don't share this piece of information with everyone I meet but as my blog url says aspiechicka...

My name is Chelsea and I have Aspergers.

if anyone is unsure of this and wants to ask me any questions please feel free to ask me. I am open to any type of questions, concerns what not but if you are going to be hurtful I would suggest otherwise. But if it makes you feel better, be my guest.


Peace and Love <3